Private Lives

I have a good friend who started a blog after casually reading some of my favorite blogs. We worked together in the same office and had some days with more down time than others, so she would often ask me for some interesting web pages to check out. She is very computer savvy and has always beena wordsmith, so I thought she would enjoy the well-written musings of Petite Anglaise or EasyJetSetter, my two primary blog destinations. I was absolutely right, to the point where we began incorporating things from those two blogs in our daily conversations. She decided to start her own blog to become part of the general mass communication of private lives on the web. She conducts her blog anonymously, in order to give herself an outlet where she can say anything she likes. She lives in a small town where she has quite a bit of notariety. She is involved in more things than you can shake a stick at and has mentioned political aspirations as well. I have no doubt she would succeed, given how much the movers and shakers of said town rely on her expertise and opinion. The downside to this position of authority, however, is a lack of safe space in which to speak. She always has to temper how she says things, to prevent misquotes or hurt feelings. As lame as she and I both think that it, it's how the system works. It's to the point where I would lobby for renaming the sidewalks in said town 'eggshells', as that's what everyone has to walk on when they venture into public spaces.

She fits into her role very nicely, but the bottom line is that no one can live like that. Her blog is an outlet for feelings about her family, her compatriots, and other things in her life which are running through her mind at any given time. Our relationship has always been such that she can say what she likes around me without fear of repercussion, but now that we don't work in the same office anymore, the daily bitch sessions just don't happen. She, like me, doesn't do too well on the phone. I'm glad for her that she can run her blog anonymously, becuase I think the outlet is important. Her blog is a perfect example of what personal blogging should be. She's not desperate to demonstrate her political views or win over the hearts of millions of readers. She just writes for release. If you happen to know her, you can take the things she writes aboiut more seriously, but most of her readers don't, so they just see her entries for their face value.

Her life is a lot more complicated than one would imagine, either from her blog or from personal knowledge. Her life, since she was born, has been characterized by heartache and abandonment. Trying to map out her family tree is an all day affair with branches growing in every direction, including downward into the ground. When I think of the specifics of her history and her current life, I marvel at how she puts up with it. Thinking about trying to handle the amount of complications she puts up with on a daily basis is enough to send me to the hills, screaming, into the night. I have heard her vent about the frustration of it all and have seen her cry when things have really become too much. She's blogged about some of the issues, but, for the most part, she just rolls with it. Her private life is the stuff of Sue Monk Kidd novels. I am fortunate enough to have an insiders view of it--fortunate, because I can understand what she means when she says something about her life and not judge her for it. We're both really grateful for our friendship with the other, and continue to stay friends despite the lack of daily contact.

When we choose to blog, we agree to bare ourselves for anyone who wants to see it but with severe limitations. It's not always the case that strangers know what we speak of, but they still can read about details of our lives. Often these are out of context and can lead to snap judgements about who we, the bloggers, really are. I choose to share things about my life, but there is no way anyone could put together a complete picture of me from this blog. My readers will never understand me the way my boyfriend or family does. This makes it safe for me to spill certain intimate details without fear of repercussion. My friend, who inspired this post, has shared a lot of her personal life, but only on the condition that it's anonymous. She came close to being busted not too long ago and the thought put the fear of God into her. She doesn't mind having an outlet for private information as long as it can stay private. She and I both need this to inspire some order or conversation with our own minds. I want to work on my fear of having others read my writings and she just likes to be anonymous but still say what she wants.

The argument of it being put out there so we should deal what comes from it is inane. The blogosphere is the one place where people can truly be anonymous if they want to but still say what they want. Call it chicken, but we are all so monitored these days, with so little room for privacy that I think it's perfectly healthy to want to say whatever the hell you want and publish it but still hide behind a pen name. Private lives are crucial to all of us, for a sense of personal space and individuality. My friend's blog won't change the world and neither will mine, but it gives us both a sense of satisfaction crafting these entries and leaving them somewhere anyone can read them. Call it hypocritical, but that's how it works. For us, anyway.